YEARS AGO THERE was a UK TV programme called Brainiacs. Brain-Maniac, see what they did there…?

Well, the premise of the show was ostensible viewers would write in with  questions and the Brainiacs, who looked like archetypal mad scientists, would devise pseudo-scientific experiments to answer the viewers’ questions. You get the idea.

So the question was: “Does a mobile phone boil your brain?”. At the time, it was probably 3G or something like that. And the voiceover said something like: “We’re not going to try and boil a brain, how about we try and boil and egg?”

The Braniacs retrieve an egg, a hen’s egg, put it in a box together with dozens of mobile phones and somehow contrive to make them all ring at once for a visually and audibly stimulating length of time for your average Saturday morning Sky TV viewer. The Braniac then uncovers the egg from the middle of the mobile phone. Voice over says: “Not even warm to the touch.” And the onscreen Brainiac demonstrates this by cracking it open onto a surface.

But that was 3G…. What about 5G?

Well, as far as we’re aware, the Brainiacs haven’t restaged the test with 5G.

Here’s the science bit…

Both are roughly in the same frequency band which is non-ionising radiation. That’s where you’ll find ordinary radio signals and WiFi just to the left of the waveband and microwave ovens to the right of the scale. Microwave ovens are fine provided you don’t run your own experiment involving wedging the catch down and leaving the door open. The light we can see, is just up from there on the scale.

Conversely, as the frequency gets higher and progressively more dangerous (in their own ways), you’ll come across ultra violet, X-rays and gamma rays.

Maybe her cappuccino’s a little too cool and she’s trying to liven it. Or maybe she’s just mucking about on TikTok. Read our article and you decide.

So will 5G give us all cancerous tumours? The answer is ‘yes’…

There is a slim chance that 5G will give you a cancerous tumour if you are:

  1. A rat
  2. A rat that has been exposed to 5G for two years solidly, continuously
  3. You’re the same rat that has been exposed to 5G for two years, solidly and continuously, since before you were even BORN!

Poor little things probably stood as much chance getting stress-induced cancer being strapped to mobile phones all their lives and before. Having said that, the scientists conducting this rather more real experiment found the rats that actually contracted the tumours actually lived longer than the rats in the control group.

So what is this then? Just a load of health conspiracy what-nots?

No. Well, maybe. As always at Digital Luminance, we go to the fact tree, let the fact fruit ripen and then harvest it as rapidly as we can.

Remember the mobile phone company, Huawei, (and all the trouble it gave broadcast journalists when they tried to say it)? Well, they’re Chinese, right? They’ve also cornered 28 per cent of the 5G market globally. Well, we’re not being political in any way, but according to our sources, there’s someone who’s kinda in charge of a military outfit called the Pentagon and he’s kinda sensitive about the Chinese Huawei mobile phone company using the same 5G network that the Pentagon uses for little biddy things like military-grade drone operation, naval navigation systems and, er, hypersonic missiles that can go at a mile a second.

So you can kind of see Mr Trump’s point of view in a way except that…

…Except what the U.S. Military would prefer to use is on a different frequency (higher), with more bandwidth, is virtually impenetrable, and not available to civilians. Also, it doesn’t travel as far, though that might be slightly moot.

But the United Kingdom and Germany aren’t playing ball by banning Huawei’s technologies (although Huawei isn’t, if you pardon the pun, completely blown out of the water by the Americans yet). Instead, the Europeans are moving right ahead. So, although there might be a way to work around it, if the United States used a different system altogether—or even a different bandwidth—it would render intercommunication between the significant allies at the very least difficult to begin with. Like Big Brother, we’ll be watching to see how this pans out…

Frying tonight? Or not? Probably not, actually. The health risk of 5G or any other mobile phone- related radiation is negligible as has been proved.

We do like a good conclusion, but for now there isn’t one

On balance, it doesn’t look like there is a health risk, both historically or now, no matter what certain tabloids may have you believe.

As for the progress of both civilian and military 5G networks, and whether it turns out that after this U.S. Administration the Americans decide to let Huawei ‘over the border’, so to speak, well, that remains to be seen.

Lastly, you might ask why we’re covering this issue. First, 5G is going to have a huge impact on marketing possibilities because it’s exponentially faster. Second, apart from being the virtual digital marketing specialists, we simply love talking about technology.

Jeff Lunn

Author Jeff Lunn

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